Addicts Or Not

Why can't we "addicts" find up to date stories and info on the drug methadone?

 I don't always want to read a story from 2008 of someone going thru withdrawls or starting the meds for the first time ever! I want to know that just yesterday or this morning, someone got out of their bed and the first thing they did was reach for their pills...just as I do everyday. I want to know that I'm not the only one fighting this addiction or going thru withdrawls when I run out of my script early.

Who's a good person for hoping that there is someone out ther going thru this kinda pain as well as myself? Sorry...but I didn't hope this on you are anyone else, but people need the truth now, and with me....well...you'll get that and much more!!! You'll get the true stories of an addict. Day by day...moment by moment...well, maybe.

For starters though, I'm not a doctor, however; I've worked in the medical feild for many years, but only as a

receptionist. But I've been an addict for most of my life. Experience is what talks...not degrees. My opinion is: doctors are the ones to sometimes blame...how? and why? you ask....when "we" the "addicts" are responsible for our own actions?

**You know who you are so think back a second**

The first time your doctor put you on a narcotic pain-killer what did  he/she say to you? Did they mention the

risk...the risk of addiction? Not all doctors do because they can just stop prescribing at your first signs of possible addiction...frequent calls or visits because you need a stronger pain-killer now, you lost your pills or better yet, someone stole them (yeah right, we guard our pills with our life). You wouldn't believe the things I've said or done to get my scripts early or replaced. (that story another day)

Instead of the doctor weaning you down "slowly" they just STOP! This is important and most doctors can't

begin to understand unless they have an addiction themselves, and if they do, they're in denial about it. This

keeps them from understanding perscription drug addictions. If they wean us off of the meds too quickly, it will make us very sick and then we'll seek other means to self-medicate. In other words, "whatever it takes to get feeling better". If most doctors would  listen to us and allow us to be trueful with them without being judged, or authorities called upon, there would be far less prescription drug abuse.

 "What has worked for you in the past?" or "What has not worked for you?" These are the perfect examples of questions the doctor should start off asking.  If most doctors would *respectfully* bring themselves down to our level  with absolutly NO JUDGING...this could work...in fact, I'm living proof it works.

Many years ago, (and I'm only 32), I was abusing anything with "codone" in the word. It was nothing for me

to take at least 10 of the 325/10 perks before my feet hit the floor each morning. And that was only what I

needed to to get up and funtioning....I had to keep that same dose going through-out the day just to "funtion"

properly. I'm still shocked that the amounts of acetaminophen that I put into my body each day hasn't killed me alone.

One day, (while working for a law firm), everyone left the office and I had always wanted to get clean but I was scared...scared of the pain and withdrawls that would follow. I knew in my heart I didn't have the will-power to wean myself down, I tried, and I always said..."I'll start tomorrow" or tomorrow..........................................Everything was and still is tomorrow....................................................

It was shortly past 5:30pm and I started to randomly page doctors I had never heard of prior to that moment, one out of nine doctors called me back, (lucky him) let's call'm Dr. Vit.

Dr. Vit asked how he could help me and I explained that he probably couldn't but if he'd just listen and then offer to help or not, I really just needed to vent and tell someone "anyone" just how screwed up I was feeling. I began to ramble on and on so quickly I'm surprised he could understand what I was saying...but he listened and he didn't interupt me and when I allowed him to speak, he didn't sound the least bit discusted, his voice was friendly and concerned.

I explained that after needing several surguies, I got "myself" (my doctors didn't help with this any, right),

addicted to pain-killers. I needed more and more, and when the doctors cut me off I would buy'em off the

street. I told him everything about how many, how often, and etc. I answered his questions with pure honesty. I remember being on the phone for over an hour or so and he never once made me feel rushed.

To shorten this story up a bit, he worked me in to see him and upon meeting him face to face, he then

began asking me some very important questions. First question to me: "What is going to stop you from

leaving my office today and buying pills off the street?" I told him I did't have the money for starters, but I reminded  Dr. Vit that I came to him for help because I wanted this to end. I wasn't forced there against my

will...well...maybe the will to get better.

Second question to me: "What treatment do you think will work best?" (he wanted my ideas for positive treatment options, what?)
I explained that I had found a doctor about a year prior that had put me on methadone. The only problem

was that I was weaned too quickly. Thus causing me to relapse. Dr Vit wanted details about the plan, which

were: (METHADONE 10mg)  TAKE 1 TAB 3x A DAY FOR 3 DAYS
                                                TAKE 1 TAB 2x A DAY FOR 3 DAYS
                                                TAKE 1 TAB 1x A DAY FOR 3 DAYS

There it is, a nine day plan for years of addiction.
Dr. Vit said that he believed that a much longer plan was definitely needed. Together!!!! Together WE came

up with the perfect plan...

Third question to me: "Did the 10mg methadone 3x a day help relieve withdrawl synthoms?"
Answer: Not really, but 4x a day would make it tolerable.

Dr. Vit made me understand that I would need to see him every 2 weeks to build up trust (he didn't want to

send me home with too much methadone at one time).

FIRST PLAN: Methadone 10mg - TAKE 1 TAB 4x A DAY FOR 2 WEEKS
CONTINUING PLAN: Every 2 weeks I would see Dr.Vit and he'd be most concerned with how I was feeling when it was time to reduce my dosage and the first 3 days thereafter. Every 2 weeks he would reduce me 5mg.

After seeing the Doc for quite sometime and getting much closer to where I needed to be...everything went wrong, and once again, I relapsed. This truly was not my fault...not completely anyway.

My last appointment with him was great, as usual. I was down to 5mg methadone now and only 2 or 3 times a day (I can't remember exactly) but Dr.Vit was suppose to write the script for 45 to last me 'til my next

appointment. I think this was my first 30 day appointment, remember, it's been every 2 weeks up 'til now.

When Dr. Vit started writing the script he made a small mark on it that was suppose to be a #4 but he didn't finish it (just the line that looked like a #1) he stopped to look up at me while we were talking, instead of completing the half finished 4 he added 45 next to (what looked like) the #1. So instead of #45, he accidently wrote it for #145. He handed me the script, I had not taken notice yet of the mistake. The script went straight from  Dr. Vit's hand, to my hand, then directly to my purse. This appointment ended like all others, with me making my next appointment.

Next stop...Pharmacy! This is where I noticed the amount, #145. Standing in line, my mind started racing, at

that time I wasn't too sure if this was an accident or a test from the doctor himself. I thought the amount was

more because my appointment was farther away this time, and then I thought, well, let the pharmacist figure it

out, get it approved, you know...the steps they take to make sure you didn't steal or forge the script yourself.

My name is called and I put the meds in my purse and head home. I pulled out my calendar and pills, all#145

of them...I counted the days over and over and sure enough, I should've only had #45. I should've called the

doctor right then....but...now what do I do? What if I call the doctor and he dosn't remember the mistake or because he's fairly new to the practice, and he was at this time, he might be scared to acknowledge the truth because he could get into trouble himself???

My mind was racing with all these questions and more...who would believe a drug addict over a

reputable doctor just try'n to help? I needed advice fast but all I had was my best friend who's also a pill-

popper of any sorts. I still think she didn't want me getting clean at that time. Her advice was, "since you have

extra, hook me up with some".

It goes without say'n that because I wouldnt get her high, she felt the need to get me in trouble, some friend,

huh? Next thing I knew, detectives came to interview me and I told them the same story I just told you. I just

knew the doctor would put it on me some how...boy was I wrong. I was scared to keep my appointment with  Dr. Vit because I thought I would be the one to blame. When the detectives contacted Dr. Vit he

told them that I, me, (the addict), was not responsible for anything that went wrong with the script, he even

asked how I was doing.

There are some really great doctors in this world...it's just very hard to find'em!

Sorry if I bored you with my story but I'm still here and screwed up as ever, now I've been given so much methadone a month from injuries from a car accident 'bout 4yrs ago, that it's ruined my body forever. I will never be the same and it's because of the methadone. My "LOVE & HATE" drug...I love the way it takes my pain away, but I hate what it's done to me.

I want to get clean and some days I try and some days I give up, I'm human, I'm poor, I seem normal on the

outside, but on the inside...I'm all messed up...Who am I?...I'm an addict. I will post my stories, how I'm feeling, I'll even give advice if you want, answer your questions...let me know what you want me to talk about. There is nothing that I can't relate to in some way or another.

**PS** Please Pass this on, you'll be surprised how someone else's screwed up life, can actually help others.


Thanks for reading!
@mber